Crooked Little Vein

Crooked Little Vein

Book - 2007
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Burned-out private detective and self-styled shit magnet Michael McGill needed a wake-up call to jump-start his dead career. What he got was a virtual cattle prod to the crotch, in the form of an impossible assignment delivered directly from the president's heroin-addict chief of staff. It seems the Constitution of the United States has some skeletons in its closet: the Founding Fathers doubted that the document would be able to stave off human nature indefinitely, so they devised a backup Constitution to deploy at the first sign of crisis. In the government's eyes, that time is now, as America is overgrown with perverts who spend more time surfing the Web for fetish porn than they do reading a newspaper. They want to use this "Secret Constitution" to drive the country back to a time when civility, God, and mom's homemade apple pie were all that mattered.

The only problem is, no one can seem to find it . . .

So who better to track it down than a private dick who's so down-and-out that he's coming up the other side, a shamus whose only skill is stumbling into every depraved situation imaginable?

With no lead to speak of, and no knowledge of the underground world in which the Constitution has traveled, McGill embarks on a cross-country odyssey of America's darkest, dankest underbelly. Along the way, his white-bread sensibilities are treated to a smorgasbord of depravity that runs the gamut of human imagination. The filth mounts; it is clear that this isn't the kind of life, liberty, or happiness that Thomas Jefferson thought Americans would enjoy in the twenty-first century.

But what McGill learns as he closes in on the real Constitution is that freedom takes many forms, the most important of which may be the fight against the "good old days." Like Vonnegut, Orwell, and Huxley before him, Warren Ellis deftly exposes the hypocrisy of the "moral majority" by giving us a glimpse at the monstrous outcome that their overzealous policies would achieve.

Publisher: New York : William Morrow ; Enfield : Publishers Group UK [distributor], 2007.
ISBN: 9780060723934
Call Number: ELLIS
Characteristics: p. ; cm.
Subjects: Private investigators -- Fiction.


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SCL_Justin Sep 07, 2017

Crooked Little Vein is a weird detective story that gets to the heart of bizarre America (though it's pre-Trump so the measuring scale might need recalibrating). The thing about it is that weird stuff like getting really into kaiju-porn seems so wholesome now. Back when this was written it felt like the world needed more crazy but now I don't know. Still. It's funny and will keep your attention. Recommended.

KaiteS_KCMO Oct 17, 2016

National Treasure meets the Maltese Falcon in this darkly humorous gumshoe novel about a tired detective looking for a stolen copy of the Constitution with help from a free-lovin' sidekick.

This book is stupid. And anyone who reads it is stupid and a blight on humanity. This crap being published just proves how stupid Americans really are.

Oct 06, 2015

Everything rscove said

Aug 31, 2015

You will know from the first sentence if this book is your sort of book. You will either laugh or gag on that first sentence. If you don't laugh, stop reading, you won't enjoy it. If you do laugh, don't stop reading, because you won't stop laughing. This is a bawdy filthy weirdly heartfelt tale, like pretty much all of Ellis' stuff. This is grimy and sincere, disturbing and amusing- often all at once. You have been warned.

May 28, 2015

SO GOOD. Gobbled it up in one day. If Twin Peaks and Chuck Palahniuk had a sickeningly perverse book baby...this would be it.

Jul 08, 2013

This book is like a live wire: dangerous, shocking and illuminating. Warren Ellis' debut novel contains all the savagery and hilarious satire that are present in his many graphic novels ("Transmetropolitan", "The Authority", "Planetary", &c). Not for the faint-hearted or humorless.

Dec 19, 2011

This book has a promising start. Good, we're going on a trip! Unfortunately the trip fizzles pretty quickly as we're going from sexual grossness to violent behavior to outright silliness to morality study. All in all, a fast read with alas no content whatsoever. A book that wants to shock, but only grosses us out.

Feb 22, 2011

Read only the first few pages


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